This joke came up in one of this blog's numerous secret bases, the #colonydrop channel on Espernet. Do come by. We're hoping to pitch this project to Type-Moon and EA as a Madden spinoff for the Japanese market. We're thinking multimedia franchise.
There's a football flying in the air above me.
Floating.
This ball is destined to travel, and then fall.
But at this moment, in front of my eyes, I can see a football.
An American football.
I draw a diagram in my mind.
You throw an American football in a spiral. Like a worm crawling in a dog's intestines.
A football thrown any other way just won't go very far.
It certainly won't get to the place it was intended to be thrown.
But this American football. This American football.
It moves with unnatural accuracy.
Obscenely.
Moist with the juices of human effort, this football tumbles end over end through the air.
Blasphemously.
It's as though the place it was going will always be the place it will go.
I think of my sister.
This American football is impossible. It just can't exist.
I want to wipe it from my eyes.
I want to scream and shove my face into a prehistoric tar pit.
It.
Is.
Terrifying.
heytheoffensivelinemenaretheMURDERbiggestguysonthefield,they'rebiggerthan
everybodyelse,andthat'swhatAPOCALYPSEmakesthemthebiggestguysonthe
fieldwhenyourPUNISHMENTarmgetshittheballisnotgoingtogowhereyouwantitto
kdkfjlaINSANITYgahdfjifyouseeadefenseteamwithdirtandmudontheirbacks
they'veRAPEhadabadday.
I wake up in my bed, bleeding.
My flaxen-haired maid is here with a bowl of Campbell's Chunky soup.
I feel like a an empty pot of meat, about to be filled.
I'd play it.
Posted by: Link | February 17, 2009 at 11:37 PM
CRYPTIC METAPHOR
Posted by: Anonymous | February 18, 2009 at 11:02 AM
Where does the blond foreigner play into. Nasu always has to have the blond foreigner girl.
BTW - I read the Twitter about this post just as I was going to bed and just read New Type Moon project and instantly clicked the link. You cannot understand the sadness I had when I read the actual title.
I just wanted you to know you trick worked. All to well. You broke my heart. But then healed it with laughter.
Posted by: Hisui | February 18, 2009 at 11:07 AM
I think I may have actually given myself a hernia from laughing so damned hard! Now I've got my breath back I have to give you a huge, sincere "Thanks for sharing". You've made my day! ^_^
Posted by: Martin | February 19, 2009 at 01:30 PM
Hey man, I've gotta ask: how come you link to Ranka Lee's blog, but not Sheryl's? We all know it's Sheryl that's the Misa in that love triangle.
Posted by: TORUMASUTA | February 21, 2009 at 07:16 PM
All I'm wondering is where's the awkwardly metaphoric sex scene here? Great stuff. :P
Posted by: TheBigN | February 22, 2009 at 05:48 PM